It's almost impossible to get away from 'friendship issues' in the classroom. The second half of Third Grade seems to be the season for bickering and fighting, no matter how many community-building exercises we have done in the first half. I absolutely LOVE Third Grade, but it also seems to be the year where they discover that they can be mean to each other by intentionally discluding others in activities and saying generally unkind comments under their breath.

There are so many strategies for building classroom community in tough seasons like these. We've talked about love languages, and learned how to be bucket fillers, I've implemented whole-classroom curriculums on peacekeeping and gone to anti-bullying Pro-D seminars. Today I'm going to share one small activity that has made a big difference.

One of the more successful things I've found was a few afternoons of purposeful play. I would ask students to bring in a favorite board game from home and get ready to use it during class time. (Certain years my students weren't excited by board games, and I'd set out lego or other building materials as an alternative). Then, I would divide them into intentional small groups that would change each day. These groups were designed ahead of time so that students would get to know people outside of their regular social circles.

While students were playing I would project a get-to-know-you or deeper thinking question that they needed to ask their group mates. We'd go through 3-6 questions over the course of our 30-45 minute 'play' time. I always pull my questions from the book 'Q&A a Day for Kids', it's one of my 'secret weapons' as a Third Grade teachers. There are so many great questions. I use it for this activity and for morning meetings every Friday! (You can find it HERE, this is not an affiliate link).

My admin was on board with this afternoon break to play board games and build with Lego because it was purposefully character-building and my students were having a hard time with bullying and exclusion. This was really good for forcing students to get to know people outside of their preferred social groups. Do you have any quick activities to help when your students are being just plain mean to each other? I'd love some new strategies. Let me know below or connect on Instagram, @poet.prints.

How often have you just wanted to pull your hair out because the students won’t get along? No classroom is immune from conflict. And conflict comes in all varieties: fights, misbehavior, kids being rude, you name it. How many times have you heard some of these in your classroom:

“He started it!”
“It wasn’t me!”
“Dooonnnn’ttt!”
** eye roll **
“I don’t need to listen to you!”
** budging in line**
“Teacher! He pushed me!”

How many times have you witnessed something like this in your classroom? How often have you just wanted to pull your hair out because the kids won’t get along? No classroom is immune from conflict. And conflict comes in all varieties: fights, misbehavior, kids being rude, you name it. What can we do when our students do something wrong? I’ve had to privilege of working alongside some gifted teachers who have taught me a lot about dealing with conflict and I’ve learned some helpful things along the way as well.

Talk It Out

When given the opportunity, most students are quite articulate. Try to get to the root of the problem and give the student a chance to speak. All too often, the teacher does most of the talking; sometimes it’s important to do most of the listening. Often times, problem behavior comes from something else. Chances are, the students are not acting up because they want to misbehave. Rather, they might be tired, hungry, sad, or a plethora of other reasons. By giving students an opportunity to talk, you feed a positive student-teacher relationship. Through talking and listening, you show your students that you care about their thoughts and feelings.

Give Space

Give your students space to cool down, if necessary. The immediate moment following an incident may not be the best time to debrief. Let the student go for a walk down the hall, or sit outside the door. Some classrooms use a cool down space to give students a safe place to regulate their emotions before they are ready to talk things through. You can find more information about this in my post about anxiety. 

Give Perspective

After a student does something wrong, it’s important to help the student see how his or her actions affected others. Young children, especially, are quite self-interested. They do not readily think about cause and effect. Thus, we have a responsibility to teach them how their actions involve others and affect them. Some may come to this realization on their own, others may need help. Perspective can be taught through role-playing, drawing the situation, social stories or a graphic organizer. I use these behavior reflections to help students to reflect on what happened and reach conclusions about how their actions affected others.

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Teach Restoration

Students need lessons on how to ‘make it right’ after an incident occurs. In my classroom, after I have talked through an incident with a student, it always ends with an apology and a way to ‘make it right’ with the person that was hurt. A Kindergarten teacher friend teaches her kiddos to say “I’m sorry. What can I do to make it better?” This gives the student who was hurt an opportunity to feel cared for. I’ve also seen teachers encourage students to draw a picture, ask the person to play at lunch, or share a snack with the person (although some schools have strict policies against sharing food). I’ve found that apology letters also work quite well. Plus, this integrates literacy into character building! 

Conflict is present in every classroom and in every grade. No classroom is immune. But there are many things that we, as teachers, can do that will help our students build character. If you’ve discovered any tips and tricks that have helped you, feel free to share!

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Students in my third grade class are practicing being bucket fillers!  The concept of being a bucket filer comes from Carol McCloud’s Book 'Have You Filled A Bucket Today?' and 'How Full Is Your Bucket' (For Kids) by Tom Rath. 

Both books are focused around the idea that everyone carries around an invisible bucket that, throughout the day, is being filled by the kind things that you do for others or that others do for you.  A bucket filler is someone who is showing positive character traits (kindness, compassion, care, respect, consideration for others), and is being a responsible citizen. When our buckets are full, we feel happy.   When our buckets are empty, we feel sad. 

For the next few weeks, we will be learning about different qualities that bucket fillers and bucket dippers exhibit.  We will be continuously reading and re-reading bucket filling books  so that students are able to really grasp the concept of bucket filling.  I can wait to have students start practicing being being bucket fillers in the classroom, and encouraging students to be bucket fillers at home! 

We used this bulletin board as a visual reminder of bucket filling actions.  Whenever I saw someone being a 'bucket filler' I added a star to the bucket.  When it was full we celebrated with a popcorn party! 

(Teachers: I have created an entire unit to kick start this kindness campaign that is available for download now.  The unit is designed to be done over 3 weeks, has 6 unique lessons, a teaching guide, bulletin board templates, and interactive games! See it here in my TpT store) 

For checking out my blog today, I have an awesome freebie for you.  One part of the Bucket Filling unit is a 'Bucket Filling, Bucket Dipping' sorting activity.  You can use it as a drama game in your class, as a sorting activity in small groups, or as independent work. I’ve also included a sorting mat so you can glue the statements down, and a coloring page to use for early finishers!

Bucket Filler Freebie for Blog Readers (Click!)

Let me know how you use the Bucket Fillers program in your class. I'd love to hear your ideas in the comments below!